Ask Cartoon Girl | writing naked

Dear Cartoon Girl,

Once I wrote a short story. It really happened, but I pretended like I’d made it up. Then I took a nonfiction class and rewrote it as the truth. It’s about my high school boyfriend and me having sex and what happened afterwards.

When I read it to my husband he said, "You're not going to submit that to The Sun, are you? I mean, a story about you having sex? Do people do that?"

Besides suggesting that he branch out from American History and read some memoir and autobiography, what should I say to him about how I'm going to write my truths and try to share them with the world?

– Creative Exhibitionist


Dear Creative,

The answer to your husband's question is, "Yes, sweetheart. People write about sex all the time."

Of course, you and I know he didn't ask you his real question.  Maybe he wonders why you’re thinking about the old boyfriend. Maybe he's afraid your essay isn’t ready for publication and doesn’t want to say so.  Maybe he's afraid it will be published to great acclaim and your marriage will somehow be undone by your success.

What I think he's asking is, "Where does the nakedness end? Are you going to expose me?"

A fair question. But, let's be clear, it's not a question about writing. Nobody and nothing but your own heart can tell you what to write, as I hope your husband knows (and if he doesn't, find a kind, clear way to tell him; as a student of history, surely he'll appreciate your fascination with your past and how it's made you who you are).

I think this is a question about publishing. What happens when sharing your truths means exposing the truths of others?

I have friends who’ve written exquisite books they would not have dared to publish during the lifetimes of certain family members.  Others take an I’m-a-writer-first approach.  (Remember the Joni Mitchell line, "Will you take me as I am?"  Meaning, "even when I write sad confessional songs about you?")  I don't know what your priorities are, Creative; all I know is, when you publish – anything, but especially personal nonfiction – you should be ready to live with the consequences. Some people will take you as you are: a writer trying to make sense and meaning and, let's just say it, art of your life.  Some won’t, and of those, some will matter to you more than others.

Your husband, who matters to you, brought this up for a reason. Ask him what he’s worried about. Tell him what sharing your work means to you.  Maybe he’ll calm down and trust you.  Maybe you'll make a deal: you'll never expose his dangly bits without asking him first.

Whatever happens, I wish you good luck with The Sun. I have a feeling that once you've started publishing personal work, both you and your husband will get the hang of it.  Wink wink.

Love,
Cartoon Girl

Ask Cartoon Girl | shortcuts to inspiration

Dear Cartoon Girl,

Every night I ask my darling husband what he'd like for dinner and he sweetly answers, "I don't care." Should I quit asking or stop cooking?

-- Fresh Out of Ideas

Dear Fresh,

I like you.  You're funny.  Pithy like I wish I were.  Have you ever thought of starting your own column?

So, you have carte blanche in the kitchen.  (Can you tell I'm practicing to go to France?)  I'm guessing your husband eats whatever you cook, and is appreciative or at least uncomplaining, and that you're doing the cooking according to some division of labor you've worked out that seems, on the whole, balanced -- oui?

This, then, is purely a problem of inspiration, one well-known to writers as well as cooks.  How do we work when we aren't inspired? 

We turn to our Lists of Favorites.

In the room where I write I have a special shelf of books whose language is so crystalline and compelling I need read only a line or two and, voilà!, my own imagination is fired up.  James Salter, Amy Hempel, Angela Davis-Gardner, Wallace Stephens. 

In your kitchen, keep a list of your favorite meals, dishes that are fresh and tasty and healthy and quick and easy.  You can grab ideas anywhere -- restaurants, cookbooks, the newspaper, magazines in the checkout line at the grocery store (I'm a sucker for these), dishes your friends make, your own concoctions.

Use your favorites list to plan meals, keeping in mind what's in season.  Take it with you when you shop.  (If you don't have a garden or belong to a CSA, be sure your shopping includes a trip to the local farmers market.)  Buy enough ingredients for several meals.  If you're cooking something that makes good leftovers, cook extra.

Next, and no less important: tunes.  Keep a music player in your kitchen, and make a CD or playlist of your favorite songs.  Play it while you cook.  Play it loud.  Sing along.  Dance!  Have so much fun your darling husband gets jealous and wishes he were the one doing the cooking.

Finally, Fresh, if all else fails, consult the other list you should be making: favorite places to eat out.

Bon appetit!

Love,
Cartoon Girl

Ask Cartoon Girl | going away

Dear Cartoon Girl,

 

Have you ever gone to an arts colony -- you know, one of those places where you have a beautiful, inspiring workspace and a big chunk of unstructured time and someone to cook for you, and when you're not working you get to hang around with other writers and artists and composers? This has always sounded like heaven to me, so I decided to apply for a residency and got one. I was all yay at first, but now, with the time approaching, I’m terrified of leaving my day job and my life. There’s so much to do before I leave. I’m overwhelmed, past the point of exhaustion, almost paralyzed.  Can ANY experience be worth this much effort?

— Hyper-Responsible

Dear Hyper,

It’s a little like death, isn’t it, to imagine the world getting along without you.  Sad.  Scary.  But liberating, too -- to be unmoored, away, incognito, invisible.  To shake off expectations, think thoughts you might never have thought, write things you might never have written.  Your every breath so inspired it needs its own exclamation mark! 

That's why people go to arts colonies.

Arranging to take time off is always hard.  It's especially hard for you because you're Hyper-Responsible.  When you get to your colony, you may need to spend a few days sleeping.  Then you'll wake up in that delicious, drooly, half-dream state that's so good for writing, and you'll have free time and no distractions, and whoosh!  Yes.  To get to that place is worth the effort.

You're still in the guilty-about-leaving phase, Hyper.  Your guilt is a problem that, like most problems, can be cured by writing.  Make a list of all the things you'll do (you promise!) when you get back home.  Even if you never look at it again, the list will make it easier for you to leave.  Think of it as your permission slip.

Love,
Cartoon Girl


Need advice about your writing life?  Ask Cartoon Girl.

Ask Cartoon Girl | impetus to write

Dear Cartoon Girl,

What ever made you think you could write?

—Curious and a Little Rude

Dear Curious,

Reading Raymond Carver.

I know, I know, it's such a common answer I'm almost embarrassed.

I wish I could give Judith Guest's answer.  She says she picked up a book of poetry called Fruits and Vegetables by Erica Jong before anyone had heard of Erica Jong and read a poem about cooking an eggplant just after she'd spent the morning chopping eggplant for ratatouille. She says Erica Jong's poem gave her the epiphany that you can write about anything.

Isn't that answer swell?  I wonder if Judith Guest made it up.

Anyway, I had the same epiphany, minus the eggplant coincidence, reading Raymond Carver -- how  you can make literature out of even the smallest things, the most invisible people.  For me, writing is about paying attention to what others might not notice or think worthy. 

Love,
Cartoon Girl

Need advice about your writing life?  Ask Cartoon Girl.