Dear Cartoon Girl,
I drink every night. I smoke pot all day. I can’t write if I’m not f****d up. What do you say to that?
— I’ve Published More Books Than Anybody You Know So Don't Tell Me I Can't Drink and Write
Dear I’ve,
Why the asterisks? Don’t be afraid to use words. I know you're trying to be inoffensive, but I’m sure any word you might substitute would be better than asterisks. Fizzed, fecked, fogged, flumed, flared, fuffed — see? Words, even if they're plain, unpoetic, silly, or made up, are almost always better than asterisks.
About the drinking and pot-smoking: I suspect your problem isn't so much writing as everything else, I've, all the ordinary life stuff that has to be blotted out before you can get to the deepdown place you write from. Here's a trick I learned from an Amy Hempel character: listen to the song "Jesus Is Waiting" by Reverend Al Green over and over and over again. Addictive, but not so hard on your liver.
Love,
Cartoon Girl
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